Jerry Presley

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I Remember When...
I have been pulling legs, playing pranks and doing stupid things for over half a century. Have you been a victim? Want to get back at me? Leave your favorite Jerry Story here. (I reserve the right to edit any submissions to protect the guilty!)

 

 


Name: Stephen M Hare
Relationship: Friend
I have been inviting Jerry to be a part of the NCAA "March Madness" basketball pool run by some folks I know for at least 7 years now. Jerry usually enters 4 or so brackets at $20 bucks a pop every year. The pool payout for first place was well over $1000.00 last year so it is a decent size pot which makes it a must participate event every year. From the very first year, Jerry sends me his payment in brand new, crisp, unused $2 bills. The man actually goes to the bank every year for them. It doesn't matter if it is $60 or $80 or $100 - always $2 bills. That's pretty off the wall. But the kicker is the money is always wrapped in papers displaying funny or strange things that I know Jerry has picked out especially for me that he wanted to share. They always give me a big belly laugh. I can't wait for this years "Madness" to come around so I can see what Jerry has up his sleeve. He is priceless.

Name: Susan Scott
Relationship: best friend at age 6
IRememberWhen: I had a LONG layover in Denver coming from Alaska where I was working for the PBS station. Jerry said he'd come by and say hi. I hadn't seen him for about 4 years (this is in our early 20s). I was in my traveling clothes--jeans, tweed jacket, and cowboy boots. He ended up taking me to a fancy party where I believe he was trying to convince the powers that be to select his company as the cable provider for Denver. He introduced me to Mack Calvin, the mayor, his bosses, and lots of other dignitaries, AS THE FIRST GIRL HE HAD EVER SLEPT WITH. (Sorry Aimee, it's true... he was 6 and I was 7 and we were best buds. We used to spend the night together. At that age, gender had no meaning, and we were simply best friends. We were pals.) I figured all these people already knew Jerry's warped sense of humor because most of them just rolled their eyes and shook my hand anyway.

Name:         Anonymous
Relationship:
IRememberWhen: One time Comprecare/Takecare/FHP bought a table at this big charity dinner at one of the fancy downtown hotels. There were about 12 of us at our table, including Karen Linden and Val Dean. It was a big event with about a thousand people, including all the Who's Who of Denver. Jerry button-holed Governor Romer in the hallway and set him up to stop by our table and act like he and Jerry were old friends. Sure enough, the Governor stopped by our table and was so excited to see Jerry. He thanked Jerry for having him and his wife over for dinner the other night and asked about his three girls, "Hayley, Lindsey and Carley". Well, you should have seen Karen's jaw drop. She was more impressed with Governor Romer remembering Jerry's kids names than Jerry being personal friends with the Gov. I still don't think Karen knows the real story.

Name:         Bill
Relationship: brother
IRememberWhen:I have a story that explains any and all of Jerry's possible phobias. When Jerry was four, Jim and I would threaten to throw him in the closet with the bugaboo. We had taken the cord from the vacuum cleaner and pulled it out from the closet under the door. Jerry would begin crying as soon as the word bugaboo was mentioned, and then mercilessly we would push him into the closet kicking and screaming. When the crying eventually died down we would plug in the vacuum cleaner and Jerry would start wailing anew. The fact that Jerry survived his older brothers and grew up to be such a great guy instead of a serial killer is remarkable.

Name:         Anonymous
Relationship: former co-worker
IRememberWhen: One time, in a staff meeting, when there was a lull in the conversation, and everyone was looking right at Jerry at the head of the table, he launched into a very big sneeze.  As he cupped his hands over his face, a very large, viscous glob of fake boogers came flying from his hands, and slowly bounced and swung back and forth.  Brenda Slyh almost threw up.  I think a couple of other people did throw up, but they hid it pretty well.

Name:         Greg Bowles
Relationship: forgotten video star
IRememberWhen: Poor innocent young Jerry had to put up with myself and Phil Kantor cursing all through his G-rated climbing video on Mount of the Holy Cross.  All our sub-literate dialogue finally had to be edited over with really cheesy music.  But my, he was good with the footage.

Name:         Scott Shultz
Relationship: Backpacker Buddy/Video Star
IRememberWhen: Jerry introduced me to backpacking.  Specifically, winter backpacking.  As my outdoors mentor, Jerry counseled me on the importance of meticulous preparation for frigid mountain outings. Our very lives depended on having all the necessary gear to face any situation that could arise.  "Expect the unexpected."  Acting on his sage wisdom, I laid out all my gear on the floor of my basement, three weeks in advance or our trip. Daily checking and rechecking my list, leaving nothing to chance. Checking magazines and websites for additional lists that may include another piece of equipment or an article of clothing that I may have overlooked.  "You can't be too thorough in your preparation," Jerry would say.  Finally, the big day arrived for us to begin our adventure.  I was first to arrive at Jerry's house (Charles Gaughan was the third amigo).  I was anxious, this being my first winter outing. I didn't want to be the weakest link, doing something foolish that would jeopardize our health in sub-freezing temperatures. As I pulled into Jerry's driveway, I noticed that nothing had been loaded into the Jeep Wagoneer.  Hmmm, but who was I, a neophyte, to question the experienced leader of our expedition?  I was confident that Jerry had everything under control.  As I entered his home, there was no camping gear insight.  He casually mentioned everything was in the basement.  I followed Jerry to the basement where he entered a closet and literally began haphazardly tossing items from the closet to me.  THIS CONSTITUTED JERRY'S METICULOUS PREPARATION!  He exited the closet, looked at the jumble of clothes, tents, and the assortment of equipment piled on the floor and commented, "That ought to do it; hope we're not forgetting anything."  (While this was all going on, Jerry was also making a half-hearted attempt to get his youngest daughter to stop laughing at me and calling me a "poppy-butt.")  My confidence in our fearless leader was waning.  However, we survived that trip and a few others in the years that followed. 

Name:         Bill Kingery
Relationship: mentor
IRememberWhen:We had merged Daniels and Associates into United Artists and I took my new group to Outward Bound to develop some teamwork. Outward Bound is also used by rape victims, drug addicts and others to built their self confidence. Our group occupied the facility immediately after a group of recovering drug addicts. When we showed up Jerry was wearing a Hawaiian shirt , plaid shorts and a silly hat. The counselor took one look at him and asked ,"are you the cable guys or the drug addicts?" My reply was ,"both".

Name:        Anonymous
Relationship:
IRememberWhen: Jerry played the practical joke of all practical jokes on Greg Bickett. Jerry, Greg and Gary Williams were coming home from a road trip. Jerry had a flight attendant tell Greg that he had a phone call and he should ask the flight attendant in the forward cabin to patch him in. This was before cell phones. Greg didn't know it but he was actually talking to another flight attendant in the back of the plane, set up by Jerry. Greg was told that this was the "Delta In-Flight Message Service in Omaha" and that a chauffeur would meet him at the gate. He was to escort a Playboy playmate to a Playboy Channel party at Bill Daniels' house as soon as he arrived back in Denver. He bought it hook, line and sinker. One of these days, Greg is going to get back at you! He owes you one. 

Name:         Anonymous
Relationship:
IRememberWhen: One time I was at Jerry and Aimee’s house for dinner.  It was about 9:00 and we asked if their kids needed to go to bed.  Jerry said no.  Then it was 10:00 and the kids were still up.  At 11:00 I asked if we were keeping them up.  No, Jerry said, the kids would go to bed when they were ready.  At about midnight, we decided to go, and the kids asked why we were leaving so early.  Carly was about 3 at the time. I heard Jerry is taking parenting classes now.

Name:         Anonymous
Relationship: I'm Younger
IRememberWhen:Jerry is probably the best boss I ever had.  He is very trusting and gives good advice.  He is also very entrepreneurial, and a good businessman.  He said that one day, he would love to be my boss again.  When he started his second company, he asked if I would like to someday join his team.  I said, sure for about $100k.  He hasn’t really called me back.  That’s probably because he’s a good businessman.  You don't live to be 50, by being dumb.

Name:         Anonymous
Relationship: former co-worker
IRememberWhen:
I was always impressed with Jerry’s ability to appreciate my intelligence.  How is he?  I heard he’s a cable installer now.  Didn’t know he was so old, though.

Name:         Bill
Relationship: brother
IRememberWhen: Jerry particularly liked an oil painting we had in our house. When his friends would come over he would, with great admiration, tell them that the "artist" painted this with a housebrush! Then Jerry would hold up his hands and space them about six inches or so and exclaim ,"it was this big!" At the Ft. Smith Fair and Rodeo there was a guy in one of the carnival booths who sold these paintings that he had painted with a housebrush. The old brushes were on display and he was always working on some new masterpiece for sale. Our Mother had cut out a picture of an ocean sunset scene and wanted to "commission" the "artist" to "paint" a "picture." I believe it cost ten dollars. Everyone else in the family have  been able to tear ourselves from our Arkansas art appreciation roots except Jerry, who continues to hang this piece of "art", along with his extensive collection of Elvis paintings on velvet, prominently around his home.

Name:         Anonymous
Relationship: former co-worker
IRememberWhen:
I think Jerry is not a very nice man

Name:         Charles Gaughan
Relationship: friend and former co-worker
IRememberWhen:For a while at the office, Jerry was on a health and wellness kick.  One of his main objectives was to ensure everyone wore their seatbelt.  I think this was to bring our health insurance premiums down, so he could meet his budget.  One day he gave me a photo of himself pointing his finger at me.  I stuck it on my rearview mirror, to remind me to wear my seatbelt.  It was there for months.  Until one night when I was kissing my girlfriend good night, and I looked into Jerry’s eyes.  It kind of scared me, and grossed me out at the same time.  I always wear my seatbelt now.

Name:         Charles Gaughan
Relationship: confidential
IRememberWhen:I think Jerry would make a good husband.  I mean, I wouldn’t know, I’m not Aimee.  But I have slept with him a few times.  In a tent and all.

Name:         Charles Gaughan
Relationship: friend, former co-worker
IRememberWhen:Shortly after the merger of TakeCare and CompreCare,  we decided to get the marketing departments of the two companies together.  Jerry was now one of two Marketing VPs.  We had a barbeque at the beach at Cherry Creek Reservoir.  There was a lot of activity at Cherry Creek, because the Pope was coming that weekend. Yes the one and only holiness, THE Pope.  There was also a certain, uncomfortable tension between the employees of the two companies.  We were all standing around, getting to know one another, when off on the distant shoreline, was a lone figure.  He was wearing long flowing white and gold robes, with a tall Bishop’s hat, and a golden staff.  He walked with a slow stately reverence, and as He got closer, small children started running up to Him.  With a gentle adoration He touched their heads, and blessed them.  The children seemed to know He was someone special.   His name was Jerry Presley.   As we learned afterwards, not everyone in our two companies had Jerry's sense of humor.

Name:         Charles Gaughan
Relationship: Friend, Former Co-worker
IRememberWhen: Shortly after Jerry hired me, we had my annual review.  We did it on a post-it note.  I thought, hey, I like this guy. I can probably get away with a lot.

 

 

 


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